


You Might Need Me More Than You Think You Will.

by Assange



Category: WikiLeaks - Fandom
Genre: Julian Assange - Freeform, M/M, WikiLeaks, hackers being smartasses, jacob appelbaum - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-17
Packaged: 2018-01-12 13:13:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1186754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Assange/pseuds/Assange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Please forgive me if I don’t talk much at times. It’s loud enough in my head.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a work in progress, so bare with me if you can. This is also my first fic ever... so yeah if there's any mistakes I apologize.

The cool winter air blew his white hair out of his face. He closed his eyes and breathed in the fresh, crisp air. This was his favourite place. This is where his mind would shut down and he could feel completely numb. He was standing on the edge of a cliff, and basking in the mountain range that stood before him. It made him feel incredibly small despite his 6'2 lean frame. He could hear the blood rushing through his veins, his heart beating at exactly 92 beats per minute. In that moment he wanted to fall; raise his arms and lean forward and fall through the sky at an alarming rate and suddenly crash against the cold grass thousands of feet beneath him. He imagined what his body would look like down there, how much blood there would be, if all of his bones would break, and if his skull would crack in half. As he stepped forward he felt a devastatingly hard strike to his face. Reality came back to him at an alarming speed. If he could imagine what hitting the ground felt like in the exact moment he touched it after falling thousands of feet at 125 miles per hour, it would feel precisely like this.

His neck thrashed to the right. It felt like a chronic case of whiplash; done on purpose of course. Someone just gave him a blow to the face, with the right hand to be exact. Thumb tucked in the inside of his fist. He wasn't very experienced and Julian could tell he was probably the first guy this kid ever got the courage to actually punch. He took a deep breath through his nose and spit. He was so involved in his imagination that he forgot where he was. This punch was a bit harder than the rest, so it threw him off. Two other men were gripping both of his arms tightly, and Julian could feel bruises start to form on his biceps. There was blood dripping out of his nose and trickling down his lips. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip. The few seconds of moisture relieved them from being dry and cracked for a few moments. Julian knew the metallic taste all too well. 

The damage didn't end there, unfortunately. He couldn't see out of his left eye. His iris was most likely damaged, except it was too hard to tell without investigating the wound in a mirror. He's been getting beaten to a pulp for the last 5 minutes, however he's too exhausted to care.

The tall Aussie looks down, awaiting the next punch. He slowly closes his eyes, waiting for this torture to be over with. Beatings generally last 10 minutes so he doesn't have to hang in there much longer. He could pretend to pass out and lay on the cold pavement, but that could result in the the oppressor seeing if he's actually knocked out hard, and to test that theory would result in multiple kicks to the stomach. However, he isn't in the mood to be in even more agony, and the results of being kicked would be dry heaving for several minutes and risking injuring his organs, most likely his liver or kidneys. 

Awaiting the next blow patiently, nothing happens. He can still feel the the grip on his arms, and the hear the scuffling of the shoes against the asphalt. He's at a loss because this man has been punching him in 20 second intervals, and its been 23 seconds. Either he's getting tired, or he left. 

"Until next time" The thick scottish accent uttered into his ear. It sent shivers down his spine and the grip around his arms disappeared and he slumped onto the cool pavement. The crunch of the rocks against his face causes him to wince in pain, and he could't think of anything to say back that wouldn't result in an even more brutal beating, so he just laid there with his eyes closed, patiently waiting for them to leave. 

Julian finally opens his eyes and looks around to find he's alone in the alleyway. The Aussie examines himself. His shirt is covered in blood and sweat, and his knees ache from the gravel grinding into his flesh. There's purplish brown finger imprints on both of his biceps. He runs his fingers over his nose and it feels crooked which is a nuisance. He's never had his nose broken before and he doesn't have the strength to correctly align it at the moment, but there's a first time for everything. He tries to elevate himself, but winces at the pain. Julian admits defeat and lays down. He musters the energy he has left to reach into his pocket and grab his cellphone. The bright light hurts his eyes and takes him a minute to adjust. 5 missed messages and 3 missed calls, All from Jacob.

"Hey. Where are you?"  
Scrolls to the next one.  
"Yo…I'm at the lounge now. It's kind of a weird place but I expect nothing less since you suggested it. Are you close?"  
"Dude are you coming or not? I got a lot of work related stuff to do so a response would be nice."  
"Okay I understand you hate texting sometimes but can you just answer YES or NO."  
"You have a Mac. I have an iPhone. You know what's funny about that? TEXTS GET SENT TO YOUR COMPUTER. AND YOU NEVER STEP AWAY FROM THAT FUCKING THING SO DON'T ACT LIKE YOU'RE NOT RECEIVING THESE, ASSHOLE"  
"I hate waiting around so whatever man. Call me when you're actually going to show up for something." 

He laughs. He's contemplating texting him back: "Sorry. I was getting the living piss beaten out of me in an unknown alley, my apologies for being a tad late" but he resists. He's been late for a lot of stuff with Jacob, and he does feel bad, but he also has a lot of shit going on and gets so enthralled with his site that he loses track of time. 

Julian goes to his voice mail inbox and gets ready for the anger he's going to hear through the speaker. Jake always had the tendency to rant at whatever pisses him off. Or if he thinks he's s right. Or if he knows for a fact he was right. Or why in the hell do they never give him ketchup at this diner he goes to every week? Jacob is a very argumentative person, but he copes. However, the fact is this: his rants are always filled with such good vocabulary and intense feeling he just lets the guy say his thoughts. Jacob's a smart man. He's 12 years younger than Julian, so he understands he doesn't get how to deal with all his thoughts and his brain must be constantly going all the fucking time. 

He takes a deep breath, and tries to get up to walk back to his hotel for the night. "I can fucking do this" He thought. "I've gone into the goddamn wilderness by myself for months and lived. This is nothing" He grumbled. He should go to meet Jacob at the bar or cafe or wherever they were going to meet, but he knows he will flip out if he sees him like this, not to mention the other people in the bar, so he would rather delay that a few days. 

The white haired Aussie walks with the crisp cold hair stinging his face. He walks with a limp and would take a cab if he didn't get robbed from the guy who beat the shit out of him. Occurrences like this have been happening a lot lately since Wikileaks has been getting more of a take off. A lot of people like what he does, but a lot of people hate his fucking guts. However, the personal thank you's he gets and the information that gets put out to the public that the people need to know and the lives he's helped is worth being beat to a pulp every once and a while. Someone needs to take the piss, and he's more than happy to be that guy.

Julian finally gets to his hotel and walks through the entrance and ignores the stares he gets. It's 11:57pm on a Wednesday, and he feels confused as to why the lobby is as full as it is. He walks to the elevator and waits for it to open. He's growing impatient and thinks he should've taken the stares. It opens and 3 people are inside. He groans and decides the stairs are best. The tall white haired Aussie limps up the three flights and finally sees his door in sight. His breathing is rapid and he feels he's never felt so exhausted in his life. He swipes his key card and the light turns red. "For the love of fuck" he mutters. Julian tries again and it goes green. Satisfaction washes over him and he opens the door quite forcefully and then proceeds to turn on the light. Julian looks up and makes eye contact with the stone cold hacker in front of him. Of course Jacob found a way to get in. Why wouldn't he of. This was the downfall of being friends with people who were as intelligent as him.

"Nice to know that even though you had the nerve to stand me up, you didn't tell me why, PLUS you didn't feel the need to swing by and - HOLY SHIT YOUR FACE WHAT HAPPENED?"

Julian rolled his eyes. "Are you done yelling at me now?"

"Did you get beat up just so you could have an excuse for bailing on me?" 

"Yeah, thats exactly what happened actually, plus i gave him my wallet as a tip. You really have me all figured out" 

Jacob scoffed. He walked up to Julian and examined his face. The Aussie could smell Jakes aftershave. It smelt so familiar and regular and he liked that. Good thing Jake was too concerned with Julian's face that he didn't notice the tall hacker's pupils dilate. 

"Shit, I think you need a doctor."

"No, I'm fine. I just wanna go to bed. This whole day has been complete utter bullshit" He walked towards the bed and collapsed onto it. The fresh, cold, and crisp white sheets felt heavenly against his throbbing face. A bed has never felt so pleasant. 

"You are so fucking stubborn you know that? I'm just going to go get a cloth so I can wipe that caked blood off your face - oh my god can you get off the bed until you're at least half ass clean?! These are white sheets, not to mention egyptian cotton, jesus." He sighed and walked away from Julian to the bathroom. He grabbed a face cloth and ran cold water over it. He needed that swelling to go down at least. He looked completely awful. 

Jacob walked back and sat on the bed beside Julian. He was already passed out. He smiled at him and ignored the blood stains beneath his face on the sheets as best as he could. He looked so peaceful and free of thought, something Jake rarely saw in the Aussie. 

He hesitated to clean him up at first, but started to dab Julian's face with the damp cloth, however Julian shivered and hit Jacob's hand away quite hard. 

"Julian, it's just me." he said soothingly. Julian immediately relaxed. "Sorry" He mumbled. Jake's hand was still wrapped around Julian's wrist to stop him from getting a blow to the face. It was warm and he could feel the pulse beneath his fingertips. He was half asleep as he was wiping his face, and he could feel Julian trying not to pull away as he did. 

"This hurts" Julian's gravelly voice when straight to Jake's groin. "Fuck, not right now" He thought. He Jacob closed his eyes and breathed hard through his nose and was trying extremely hard to regain his composure. "I know" he mumbled. "This will help a lot though. Your face looks terrible right now" Julian smirked. "Yeah?" Jacob smiled back at him. "Yeah." 

He finished up and put the cloth on the nightstand. Jake grabbed some Polysporin out of his bag and squeezed a bit out of the tube onto his index finger. He slowly dabbed it on the Aussie's cuts. "Jesus Christ Julian. This cut on your nose is fucking bad" Julian raised an eyebrow. "Thanks Dr. Phil." Julians sarcasm was always sharp, no matter what kind of state he was in. Jake rolled his eyes and continued to clean up his face. 

"Mmm. Are you done yet? I want to roll over" Jacob sighed at Julian's remark. "You can't roll on your side or else everything I just put on your face will smear all over the sheets. For someone with a high IQ you sure can be an idiot" Julian cocked an eyebrow at Jacob "You could just put a bandage over it, dumbass" He grunted. "Okay, let me just grab some out of my imaginary first aid kit" Jacob then reached into his pocket then pulled out his hand and flashed his middle finger at him. Julian laughed. They always bickered back and forth to each other like ten year olds, but there was no one else in their lives they could really joke with. Everything got serious too quickly, so it was nice that both of them got to let loose around each other and not be overcome with stress constantly. "I'm no doctor but that I'm pretty sure thats no bandage" Jacob laughed with him and finished up his face. "There, I'm done. Thank you for being so co-operative" He remarked sarcastically. "Anytime" Julian smiled at him then proceeded onto his side despite what Jacob said and fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Jacob was outside on the balcony. It was 12:30 am in Berlin and he couldn't sleep. Cleaning up Julian from being beaten up was a bit too much for him and he needed the cold to numb his body physically and emotionally. His hands were on the balcony railing and the coldness was burning his palms. He's been pondering the thought of when he started to fall in love with Julian Assange. What was the tipping point? What made it so incredibly hard for him to handle? He wasn't certain. He's handled copious amounts of stress before, but this was completely different; It wasn't like being interrogated for hours on end at international airports, or the fear of the government plotting against him to take him down bit by bit. This was something entirely diverse, in it's own realm, it's own subject without exception.

Perhaps it all started when he first laid eyes on Julian at a lecture back in 2009. He always envied the Aussie hacker, but it got more personal when they started talking and he offered to be the American representative for Wikileaks. They both hit it off immediately since Tor helped a great deal with the cables and with people giving information to Wikileaks anonymously. Julian hugely appreciated that, and Jacob looked up to the fact that someone was finally taking charge of a situation and doing what Governments across the globe deserved, and he was ecstatic to be apart of it. The more they conversed and got to talk to each other after every conference, he grew more fondly of him. They soon exchanged phone numbers and started to text each other more often about topics other than Wikileaks, encryption, and hacking in general. 

Maybe it was when they went out together for the first time as friends and had a bit too much to drink. He caught himself staring at Julian a few more times than a friend should, and Julian's smile was messing with him so much that he thought his heart was going to fucking explode out of his chest cavity. Maybe it was when Julian was a bit buzzed he talked about anything and everything and he was such a passionate man about the same things that he was that it made Jacob not feel so alone.

It's feasible that it was when they were leaving the pub and Julian put his palm on Jacob's back to usher him out of the door. After they left the pub they went to a peaceful alleyway that Julian guided him to. They were side by side against the frosty bricks smoking cigarettes and talking about their childhood. Jacob could feel the heat radiating from Julian which made the cold night in London not so bad. He remembers Julian looking at him and he tried his best to look up at the starless sky and drown his mind free of thought, but gravity was pulling him towards Julian and he stared back at him. His green eyes made him feel like he was drowning in a sea, but that was more than likely the alcohol talking. His face was fresher and more relaxed then, and Julians hair was longer at the time. He remembers a lock of hair in front of his face and Jacob brushed it away and tucked it behind his ear. Jake felt Julians breath hitch as he did so, but he did his best to ignore it and went back to smoking his cigarette and wondered how he got himself into this fucking mess anyway.

Jake shook himself out of his day dream and took another sip of his scotch. 

"Why are you still up?" 

The voice threw him off guard and he quickly turned to look at him. 

Julian ran his hand through his hair and yawned. 

"Jules, you've been asleep for like a half hour at the most, why are YOU up?" 

"I haven't heard you call me that in a long time." Julian leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed and smiled up at Jacob. 

"I guess it must be the scotch talking then" he mumbled as he finished off his tumbler. 

"Yeah I guess" he agreed. 

Julian walked out onto the balcony and was wearing a heavy knit sweater with grey sweatpants hanging off his hips. The cold stung his face but he didn't mind. Jake was staring at the inch of skin that was exposed between Julian's sweater and pants but quickly looked away and swallowed. The saliva felt heavy going down his throat. 

The Aussie stood beside Jake and leaned on the railing. "Do you have any more of that scotch by chance?" Jake smiled at him "Yeah, I do actually" he went and poured a glass and threw a couple round ice cubes into the cup then handed it to Julian. "Thanks" He said and then took the glass and put it against his nose. "Fuck, that feels nice" He sighed in relief. Jacob looked at him in surprise. "WOW, I cannot believe I just poured you a $100 glass of alcohol so you could hold it against your face. What am I going to do with you? What is Australia going to think? Frankly, I'm disappointed." Julian laughed. "I don't know, honestly. I might as well stop while I'm ahead. I should just give you Wikileaks and you can deal with everything. You seem more well suited for it anyway." Julian declared. "I certainly agree. You are extremely unfit for this field. We can't be friends anymore, sorry" The American said sardonically. Julian removed the glass from his nose and took a sip and laughed at the same time. He stared out into the calm, dark city. It was gloomy and the smog covered it like a soothing blanket. 

"This has always been one of my favourite cities" Jacob confessed. 

"I know" Jake looked at Julian, confused. He was afraid to ask but did anyway "And how did you know exactly?"

Julian shrugged his shoulders. "Well, you come here a lot. More so than any other place, plus when you leave somewhere else you always tend to come back here not long after. It's like you do it to be assured that this city is still your favourite or something." 

He side eyed Julian. "Yeah fucking right. I told you that already didn't I?" 

Julian burst out laughing. "Yeah you did" 

Jake went to hit his arm but then held back, remembering he got enough of a beating today. 

"Compassion? Jake is having compassion today? Amazing" Julians snide remark made Jake regret not hitting him.

"I don't want to have to bring you to the hospital so I'm going to hold back from any kind of physical violence for a bit, until you get half ass healed" 

"How nice of you" 

"I know." Jacob changed the subject. "Fuck, I'm getting old. Telling the same stories twice. I should retire. That or we hang around each other too much"

"I think it's the first one" 

"Yeah" Jacob agreed and finished off his third glass of scotch. He felt numb from the combination of the cold and alcohol, which resulted in him feeling quite calm for once. 

He felt exhaustion wash over him but didn't want to sleep, since he knew he wouldn't see Julian for another couple months at least. They were both busy and it was a shock when they bumped into each other for a bit here and there. 

"I could never imagine being locked up" Julian blurted out. 

This shook Jacob back to earth. "Why would you ever be locked up in the first place?" 

"That's sarcasm right?" 

"Obviously" Jake assured. 

"I love what I do, but the time is going to come where they're going to take me away or fuck me over somehow and I dread it. I know I'm helping a lot of people. I know this needs to be done but it's like fuck, there's no happy ending to this and there never will be" 

Jake sighed. Julian was having one of those nightly breakdowns again and he needed to comfort him and tell him everything would be okay, even though he wasn't sure it would be at times. 

"Just stop what you're doing, then"

Julian looked at Jacob, shocked. 

"What?"

"Just stop what you're doing" 

"What do you mean just stop" Julian snarled.

Jake knew he was getting into something that shouldn't be touched, but he felt careless at the moment and didn't feel like sugar coating anything right now. 

"Just fucking stop. Quit wikileaks. Get a normal job. Be a normal person. You don't have to worry about someone chasing you down ever again. People will forget. They will think it's just a phase and then someone else will come along at some point in time and take your spot and take all the fucking heat for what they believed in and be making a difference instead of you. It will suck, but at least it's not you taking the piss, right? You get to see your son more, fuck some girls, go places without them holding you in airports. It will be nice"

Julian looked at him completely exasperated. 

"Okay" He said, infuriated. Julian put his glass down a little firmer than necessary and walked inside, slamming the door behind him. 

Jake threw his hands over his face. "FUCK" he yelled out loud. He put down his glass and walked back into the room where Julian was packing up his stuff. 

"Are you serious Julian, calm the fuck down"

Julian looked up at him and glared. Jacob has never seen Julian this furious and it alarmed him a bit. 

"Fuck you, Jacob. fuck YOU" He slammed his suitcase shut and zipped it up at a startling speed. 

"Okay, I deserved that" He insisted. His mind was foggy from the alcohol and his filter was non-existent and he wanted to kick himself in the ass for that. 

"You know what, I know you can be an ass. I know people think you're a major dick and that's why they don't like associating with you. I know that you're fucking hard headed and enjoy arguing, but I saw past that and I knew you were a great guy and inside you were just a person who was traumatized by their past but was just too stubborn to admit it. I let you in on what I was doing because I believed in you, but now, I'm not so sure." 

Jake hung his head. "I'm sorry" he mumbled 

"What?" Julian said, quite annoyed. 

Jacob took a deep breath and looked up at him. "I'm sorry" he stepped towards Julian. He was timid at first but Julian didn't hesitate by stepping back or leaving the hotel room, so he continued walking closer. 

He was right in front of Julian now and he wanted to look up at him but he knew if he did he would break down and tell him everything he's been feeling and that wouldn't go down well. 

"Look, I'm deeply sorry for what I said, it was out of line. I don't want you mad at me. Just stay the night, I'll go back to my hotel room, okay? Just don't leave… I don't want to have to worry about you having the shit beaten out of you again" 

"I don't want to be in the same city as you right now. I don't want to be near you. I would rather be on the other side of the world AWAY from you." Julian pushed Jacob's shoulder a bit to emphasize his point, but Jake just took it. He knew Julian was mad and there was no point in trying to fight with him. 

"I thought I could vent to you" Julian confessed. "I can't talk to many people. I trust you"

Jacob lost all train of thought. He was veering off the tracks. He was drowning, and needed air desperately. He felt like he was suffocating and he just wanted to end the claustrophobic feeling.

In less than one stride he pushed Julian against the wall. He could feel Julians breath on him, he could smell his cologne that was mixed with the disinfectant and blood, but it still nonetheless smelt like him.

"You can still trust me. You can always trust me. I will always be here for you. I will always answer those 4 am calls. I will always sooth the anxiety you get before you go up to do a conference session. I will always be a smart ass with you and joke with you and try to make you feel better as much as I can. I was out of line with what I said, but don't think for one second that you can't trust me" 

Julian was at a loss of words. They were staring at each other intensely and it took Julian all of his willpower not to kiss him. Jacob still had his forearm pressed against the Aussie's chest and his heart felt like it was going to hammer out of his chest. He was staring up at Julian but slowly let him go and turned around to walk out the door. 

Without a second thought, Julian grabbed Jacob's arm and turned him back towards him "Don't leave"


End file.
